As parents, we tend to say contradicting things, get extremely fearful over the simplest things, and often ask ourselves, “where did my life go so wrong that I’m now arguing with a 3 year old about pants?”. Well, if you’re a parent, you’ve been there and it’s kind of in the lengthy, crazy, ever changing, non-existing job description labeled “Parent”.
Job Description of a “Parent”
To tell our children they can do anything they set their mind to, that anything is possible, and they should never use the word can’t. But they aren’t allowed to cross the street by themselves, cut their own fruit, or be naked whenever they’d like.
To figure out what time is appropriate to switch from coffee to alcohol.
To help them grow up and be adventurous brave little humans…until they no longer want to hold our hands. That’s when we remind them of sharks, snakes, and alligators lurking around every corner so they better hurry back over here and HOLD MY HAND!
To teach them that no question is a stupid question then answer each question with the stupid answer, “Because I said so!” It’s so much easier than explaining the Pythagorean theorem when asked about triangles or that small blue wavelengths get scattered by air when entering the earth’s atmosphere… and that my children, is why the sky is blue. (Blank stares followed by “but why?”)
To figure out where the other shoe went.
To come up with better excuses on why you’re late other than “because my toddler wouldn’t put on pants.”
To explain how to blow a gum bubble to a toddler.
To love, nurture, and protect our children to our best possible ability, and trust God to handle what may seem like the impossible.
To make sure they eat healthy and absolutely no candy for breakfast! Then, tell them they better finish their cinnamon bun before they leave for school!
To figure out why something is wet or where the smell is coming from.
To know the difference between chocolate, peanut butter, and poop.
To have major ninja skills when trying to move your sleeping child’s head off your shoulder. To be totally invisible when going to check on your “sleeping” child.
To raise them to be strong independent individuals, then yell at them for being strong headed individuals.
To yell “stop yelling!” a lot.
To encourage curiosity and exploration, but then tell them if they touch anything in the store we’re leaving immediately and never going out in public again!
To cut your baby’s nails in extreme horror thinking you’re about to cut their finger off. Is there anything more terrifying than cutting a baby’s nails?!
To teach them how to face and handle challenges, but then totally baby them because “they’re only this age/size for so long…”
To know exactly what your kid will eat according to the place, day, time of day, and color of the food. “Oh you don’t like oranges today because they’re orange? You ate 3 of them yesterday…”
To tell people how old our child is in months.
To figure out what you’re going to do all summer with these kids because “so help me God…”
XOXO
